Skip to main content

Trust

Now it's all up to the doctors. It's all about trust. He's passed out of our hands and into theirs. And God oh God, please keep him safe. I carried him into the OR. It was bright and warm, with cheerful balloons and landscapes paintd on the wall that helped distract from all the scary machines, monitors, and of course, featured in the middle, the table itself. I always forget how small and narrow the actual table is. A thin resting place where the battle between life and death is fought. They put him to sleep in my arms, and he was scared. Then he stilled, leaving me with the expression in his eyes burnt on to the inside of my eyelids. No parent should have to do this. And yet so many do. Trust. Trust. Trust. I make it the mantra of my racing heart.

Comments

  1. All of you are in my prayers. I wish I could do more.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thinking and praying for your family and the Doctors and the nurses!With much Love, The Smalleys

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hope. Trust. Love... Hope. Trust. Love... Lord, have mercy!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I ran into your baby boys blog & he touched my heart, he will be in my prayers.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

With Mixed Feelings

So for the past couple weeks my feed has been filled with the "back to school" and "end of summer" and "beginning of parental freedom from their annoying offspring" photos. It's ok, I totally get it. Another year, another back to school pic, another notch in the door jamb, and another chapter of growth and development with junior. Look at him go! Or not, as the case may be for many children. According to the CDC (Centers for Disease control and Prevention) one in six children has one...a developmental disability. A stamp of "not normal" across their foreheads. A number. A check mark in a box. My kid is one of them. I heard a brief segment on NPR that enticingly started out with the title of developmental delays on the rise, a 17% increase over the last twelve years. And though I turned up the volume the segment only talked about how it's probably only due to poverty, and it's only the upper classes that actually pursue diagnosis...

Kinda Like 'Nam.

First off, sorry about the disjointed nature of the posting from yesterday. I was updating via text messegaing from my phone and because the service is patchy in the hospital not only were the posts chopped up but they were frequently out of order. You have to be a sleuth to figure it out. On the other hand, I guess it was a direct reflection of what we were experiencing! Between getting little bits of info and there, we had no clue what was going on. This is what we have been able to piece together since yesterday. The surgery itself was a definite success, though there were a few surprises. One of which being that when they took out Leo's shunt of 8 months they discovered that it was not working. Huh??? He never showed any symptoms of shunt failure and brain compression, so what the heck? In between the sobering list of items now holding risks for our guy, the nuero surgeon dropped this little bombshell on us. Does that ...

The Heart Knows

Today during the physical therapist's visit, Leo was put through his paces. She had a whole list of things, 40 to be exact, of regular newborn motor reflexes and characteristics. Each one gets a check-mark (or not) and then a total score once she tallies up all the information that she observed. Although the final score for Leo really itself doesn't matter, the test was more to establish a baseline of development for Leo, and to find his strengths and weaknesses. Once this baseline is established, it will be easier to tell any progression and growth. Just since her last visit, she observed that Leo was doing a much better job of keeping his head in mid-line position. Before he would always keep it on one side or the other. She also determined during the exam that Leo definitely tracked her with his eyes and responded to sound. More specifically, to my voice. She had him on his tummy facing away from us, and she shook a rattle and made some noise to see if he would move his head...