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Searching For Balance

Wait for it...

Just wait for it...

Yup, there it is. The inevitable question anytime we go out with Leo. How old is he? Oh wow really? Is he walking yet?? That is a loaded question my friend...Loaded with mystery and yet I love how people pretend it's normal. Because the alternative is much too threatening.

What do you think Einstein? Would I be straining my back and lugging his big bum all over the place if he was? Have you seen my biceps friend?

As parents, we are, and don't pretend otherwise, at the mercy of our kids. We see our selves through a strange and expectation tinted lens. We expect our children to act a certain way, preferably always. We expect them to grow a certain way, and to conform to a natural, and understandable timeline. And we blindly, kinda like a puppy dog, shove this trust on our kids. We faithfully assume, day after day, that our children will bend to our schedules, our hopes and dreams, and then, we faithfully freak out every time they don't. And the best part? It's a surprise every time they act like the independent and unique persons that they are. Which is most of the time, because our children, in their turn, are faithfully trying to teach us something very valuable and essential about life.

Emotional Balance.

The first three are reasonable, but what about the last? What does emotion have to do with it? If you are like me, you would be perfectly happy if they scratched emotion off the list, since usually, it's the emotions that end up being the last straw before complete breakdown.

But the thing is, emotions are natural. They are an essential part of us as human beings. They make us individual persons. But they also cause us a lot of grief and trouble. Worry, grief, sadness, happiness, joy, they are all peices of a puzzle that make us up. If we try to throw away, or black out those pieces  the final image will be incomplete or distorted. Everything will be out of balance.

And without balance, you can not live.

Without balance, you can not walk.

Leo does not have the balance to walk. And I, sometimes lack the balance to deal with it gracefully, naturally, and patiently. Though I am trying, and I guess, as long as I continue to at least try, then I'm not doing so bad.

The worst thing is, I know that it is possible for him to walk, unlike many of the kiddos that I know of, and that the only thing holding him back, is his lack of trust in his balance. And the wretched thing is, I can't open that door for him. He needs to figure it out on his own, to find the courage to say yes, I will probably fall. I may get hurt even, but I need to do it anyway.

It is a lesson many of us have trouble learning.

Emotions may hurt, but that's ok. It's ok, because it keeps everything in balance.

Here's a little clip of Leo working on his balance on the exercise ball with his physical therapist.

Yes, it is all hard, and there are days it all seems just too much, but with work and practice, miracles can be achieved.

Leo will walk.


  1. Anna,
    My words cannot adequately express how very timely this post is. Insert Luke's (in)ability to read and well, there you have it.
    Leo will walk. Luke will read.
    Sent you something in the mail, explaining about our own struggles with Luke.
    Love to you all so much!
    Go Leo!!

  2. He's certainly having fun along the way..


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