Skip to main content

Confessions Of A Momster

1. The difference between a tired Momster and a scary-under-your-bed-real live monster is only by one letter you know.

2. There are moments when Momsters literally hit the wall. And it's on purpose. No worries about the bruise on your forehead, thats what cover up is for...

3. Husbands are often foraging the kitchen landscape for dinner and finding similarities to bushmen in the Kalahari, just minus the coconuts.

4. Sometimes, either pancakes or mac&cheese are made three times a day in the before mentioned kitchen.

5. Momsters know at least three, semi-fashionable hairdos, for disguising the fact that her hair hadn't seen shampoo in three days. What the hell, as long as we are being honest, make it four.

6. A true Momster can rattle off several reasons why the tooth fairy missed her date with her kid's tooth, even when rudely awoken in the wee hours of the morning.

7. A Momster sees the visit of a therapist for her kid as a chance to put her feet up and finally drink that cup of tea in peace.

8. You know you are a Momster when you can change your kid's diaper while he is upright and moving (meaning thrashing limbs that are trying their best to run away) while talking on the phone and sorting laundry.

9. A momster's sick day looks very much like any other day.

10. One of the sweet joys in a Momster's life is perfecting that illusive angle of knee-hip-shoulders that makes it possible to sleep on exactly 3.9999 inches of mattress, and thus making it possible to cuddle the sweet babes who are hogging the whole freaking bed.

12. When a momster's cubs are threatened or even at the tiniest whiff of possible danger, a Momster's true nature comes boiling fiercely and violently up and out. (Reference: man-eating alien coming out of a chest cavity.)

13. This momster can go on, but as some sweet genius said, "less is more," and changed the fate of the lazybum momster procrastinator forever.

Yes, you will know a Momster by her confessions and weaknesses, but also by the spirit of stubborn perseverance in the face of adversity, and by the more or less normal, happy, adjusted kids who call her just "mom," for short.

This goes out to the beautiful Momsters out there (you know who you are..)
And in true Momster style:
Happy belated (so I'm behind by a couple weeks or more, but hey who's counting?) Mother's Day and almost Father's Day!

You know you are a fabulous father when you are married to a Momster. It's just one of those given things.

A typical Momster dressing job. Hey I like to see you do it while cooking breakfast,  getting the other kid to school in one piece, keeping the house from burning down, and the husband from running out screaming?!


Popular posts from this blog

Pharmaceutical Fallout

I'm sure you guys are wondering what's been up with the Lion this past week after our worrisome VEEG adventure.  To tell you the truth, I feel like I've been taking shots of Leo's drugs and consequently feel dull and numb and just plain depressed. That is now of course, two days ago I was running high on adrenalin and resembled a charging rhino. I'll tell you why: So after being put on his new drug, Trileptal, Leo definitely started having a cessation of seizure activity, unfortunately however, he also started having severe headaches, photophobia, inconsolable crying and then in the last couple of days, a rash on his thighs, face, and hands. Just as an FYI the word "rash" is a magic word that will open the doors of the medical castle faster and slicker than a trojan horse. It's true, one does not mess about with allergic reactions. He was seen by his neuro within the hour, and after some bullying and grilling from yours truly, the action plan was det…

Not Your Average Special

Leo. This kid. Honestly? Life with the lion can be quantified in two parts: into a simple 60/40 equation. The 40 being the happy normal parent feelings, and the 60 being sheer exhaustion, confusion, worry, and what-the-hell-is-it-now feelings.  All normal right? Just another day in parent land. Wrong. I have always been an advocate for down-playing the special neediness of special needs. Yeah, yeah we all think we are special in our own unique hardships, get over it. We all have crap in our lives to deal with. But I might be starting to change my outlook.  Just a bit. Case in point: Leo and consequently me and everyone else who lives with him, have now been dealing with daily seizures for well over a year. Ok it doesn't sound that bad, when you string the words together and type it out into a sentence; there are way more scary sentences out there like "your child has a terminal brain defect" sentence etc etc. That sounds way more scary than daily seizures. This I know f…

The Rhythm of Life

When I think of the word rhythm, what comes foremost to my mind is a picture of my grandpa's metronome. My grandpa, when he lived in Russia, was a fairly well known voice professor who dedicated his whole life to the perfection and instruction of the human voice. As long as the human in question was applying said voice to opera and only opera, that is. Opera, in my grandpa's mind, was the only music worth bothering with. All other music he condescendingly referred to as "the bebop" with a lot of Russian eye rolling and sighing. He taught me about rhythm by sticking his old wooden metronome on the edge of his piano, and commanded me to never take my eyes off it during the whole voice lesson. Since it was conveniently eye level to my ten year old self it was pretty easy to get completely mesmerized watching the little weighted metal stick swish side to side, side to side, side to side.  I'm thinking now, almost twenty years later, that it may have been part of gra…