Skip to main content

Confessions Of A Momster



1. The difference between a tired Momster and a scary-under-your-bed-real live monster is only by one letter you know.

2. There are moments when Momsters literally hit the wall. And it's on purpose. No worries about the bruise on your forehead, thats what cover up is for...

3. Husbands are often foraging the kitchen landscape for dinner and finding similarities to bushmen in the Kalahari, just minus the coconuts.

4. Sometimes, either pancakes or mac&cheese are made three times a day in the before mentioned kitchen.

5. Momsters know at least three, semi-fashionable hairdos, for disguising the fact that her hair hadn't seen shampoo in three days. What the hell, as long as we are being honest, make it four.

6. A true Momster can rattle off several reasons why the tooth fairy missed her date with her kid's tooth, even when rudely awoken in the wee hours of the morning.

7. A Momster sees the visit of a therapist for her kid as a chance to put her feet up and finally drink that cup of tea in peace.

8. You know you are a Momster when you can change your kid's diaper while he is upright and moving (meaning thrashing limbs that are trying their best to run away) while talking on the phone and sorting laundry.

9. A momster's sick day looks very much like any other day.

10. One of the sweet joys in a Momster's life is perfecting that illusive angle of knee-hip-shoulders that makes it possible to sleep on exactly 3.9999 inches of mattress, and thus making it possible to cuddle the sweet babes who are hogging the whole freaking bed.

12. When a momster's cubs are threatened or even at the tiniest whiff of possible danger, a Momster's true nature comes boiling fiercely and violently up and out. (Reference: man-eating alien coming out of a chest cavity.)

13. This momster can go on, but as some sweet genius said, "less is more," and changed the fate of the lazybum momster procrastinator forever.

Yes, you will know a Momster by her confessions and weaknesses, but also by the spirit of stubborn perseverance in the face of adversity, and by the more or less normal, happy, adjusted kids who call her just "mom," for short.

This goes out to the beautiful Momsters out there (you know who you are..)
And in true Momster style:
Happy belated (so I'm behind by a couple weeks or more, but hey who's counting?) Mother's Day and almost Father's Day!

You know you are a fabulous father when you are married to a Momster. It's just one of those given things.

A typical Momster dressing job. Hey I like to see you do it while cooking breakfast,  getting the other kid to school in one piece, keeping the house from burning down, and the husband from running out screaming?!



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

With Mixed Feelings

So for the past couple weeks my feed has been filled with the "back to school" and "end of summer" and "beginning of parental freedom from their annoying offspring" photos. It's ok, I totally get it. Another year, another back to school pic, another notch in the door jamb, and another chapter of growth and development with junior. Look at him go! Or not, as the case may be for many children. According to the CDC (Centers for Disease control and Prevention) one in six children has one...a developmental disability. A stamp of "not normal" across their foreheads. A number. A check mark in a box. My kid is one of them. I heard a brief segment on NPR that enticingly started out with the title of developmental delays on the rise, a 17% increase over the last twelve years. And though I turned up the volume the segment only talked about how it's probably only due to poverty, and it's only the upper classes that actually pursue diagnosis...
34 comments
Read more

Kinda Like 'Nam.

First off, sorry about the disjointed nature of the posting from yesterday. I was updating via text messegaing from my phone and because the service is patchy in the hospital not only were the posts chopped up but they were frequently out of order. You have to be a sleuth to figure it out. On the other hand, I guess it was a direct reflection of what we were experiencing! Between getting little bits of info and there, we had no clue what was going on. This is what we have been able to piece together since yesterday. The surgery itself was a definite success, though there were a few surprises. One of which being that when they took out Leo's shunt of 8 months they discovered that it was not working. Huh??? He never showed any symptoms of shunt failure and brain compression, so what the heck? In between the sobering list of items now holding risks for our guy, the nuero surgeon dropped this little bombshell on us. Does that ...
18 comments
Read more

Leo Lessons Part 1.

It's almost like Justin and I are stuck in this super advanced parenting class where Leo is the teacher, and our life is the classroom. Before Leo we thought we had credit we could transfer in from our previous baby/kid class, but we have found out that our old credits aren't applicable. Now we are in the crash course like it or not, and failing isn't an option. So we try not to sweat bullets and handle each new assignment he gives us with optimism. On our good days anyway. On our bad days, at least we have the notes we kept from previous successes to console ourselves with. Sometimes it helps.
20 comments
Read more