But, as often is the case, God can be depended upon for sending reinforcements. Not angels with flaming swords, but a friend, a calm thought, a deep breath, or even just a still moment to rebalance your heart. I managed to rebalance my heart today when I remembered the wise words of a friend. "Fake it till you make it!" She always laughs, though her life hasn't been easy, but somehow she is still filled with grace and compassion; without the gloom.
Even though life is pretty serious right now, pretty scary in regards to our little dude, it helps no-one, him least of all, to see me all shook up and depressed. But I don't feel happy, my brain wails at me. I just can't do it, it admits. Happiness and a light heart is a thing of the past, a thing that belongs in a seizure free world. Its so easy to sink when you can't swim. But at least I can pretend to swim, I convince my brain. Just pretend to do it, just smile and keep smiling until it starts to feel real. Fake it. Like an author with writer's block typing "blah blah blah" for pages until the "blah" turns into "beautiful." Keep moving, keep living, and before you know it, you ARE living. You've faked it in the beginning but now you've made it real.
When we are working with a young or inexperienced horse, it's all about keeping things positive, keeping things simple and light, and always rewarding the smallest try. If I can do all that with a huge animal, why can't I do it with myself? If, by building gently and softly, without delving into negativity, I can teach my horse to dance and fly, shouldn't I be able to do the same to my heart?
And even if I don't exactly feel it yet, I know the peace that I'm faking now is just around the corner. With a little help from my family, friends, and my four hoofed loves the peace is just at the other end of the water jump, to be precise...
If my little lion man, can still smile after all that's happend to him, after all that has been done to him, then I sure as heck had better smile too. Dontcha think?
He is doing better everyday, and as you can see, his personality is coming back full force. He still tires very quickly and takes two very long naps in the day. Also his left side is still markedly weaker, but that too is improving a little each day. The new medicine is a breeze to administer, since it's in the form of tiny little grains that are sprinkled onto his breakfast and dinner, and so far, I can't see any drastic side effects. Fingers, toes, eyes, everything crossed that this med will do the trick and take that awful threat of seizures away from him. Thank you again, for all your prayers and love to our little lion these past days!