Now it's all up to the doctors.
It's all about trust.
He's passed out of our hands and into theirs.
And God oh God, please keep him safe.
I carried him into the OR. It was bright and warm, with cheerful balloons and landscapes paintd on the wall that helped distract from all the scary machines, monitors, and of course, featured in the middle, the table itself. I always forget how small and narrow the actual table is. A thin resting place where the battle between life and death is fought.
They put him to sleep in my arms, and he was scared. Then he stilled, leaving me with the expression in his eyes burnt on to the inside of my eyelids. No parent should have to do this. And yet so many do.
Trust.
Trust.
Trust.
I make it the mantra of my racing heart.
A school bus can mean all sorts of different things: dread, boredom, excitement, responsibility, change...it means something different to all of us. I was primarily homeschooled as a kid, and though I preferred that, there was still an element of desire and curiosity for me every time I saw a school bus when I was young. I couldn't help but wonder what it would have been like to be part of the school bus world. Of course I didn't have to wonder about it for very long because I did, in many ways, have the ideal education. There was that time I took the winter off from school instead of summer to practice my extra curricular work which was...downhill skiing and snowboarding. Then there was the part-time jobs at the local farms that I was able to do because of my own set and very flexible school hours. To clarify, because it sounds like I didn't do any academics at all in the above two sentences, I did. Lots. Tons. But I did them efficiently and completely independently, e
All of you are in my prayers. I wish I could do more.
ReplyDeleteThinking of and praying for you guys!
ReplyDeleteThinking and praying for your family and the Doctors and the nurses!With much Love, The Smalleys
ReplyDeleteHope. Trust. Love... Hope. Trust. Love... Lord, have mercy!!
ReplyDeleteHolding you all in prayer today.
ReplyDeleteI ran into your baby boys blog & he touched my heart, he will be in my prayers.
ReplyDelete